Do you allow the cream to rise to the top?

I've always had a problem accepting a compliment as a compliment. It's in part due to my childhood which was for the most part unremarkable but which, on occasion seemed to dip into a rather hollow pit. These pits were usually during periods of time when my mother, whom I firmly believe suffered from Bi-Polar, would rage against me for something I had failed to accomplish to her standards. As a perfectionist, it was rare that my child-like attempts would ever reach the level of acceptance that she often demanded and expected from others. It was often difficult  to understand what my mother truly expected from me. More often than not, I failed to meet let alone exceed her expectations and this would more often than not lead to criticism rather than compliments.

On the other side of the coin was my father who was never at a loss for words when it came to praising a person's attempts no matter how weak or how poorly completed. I remember clearly the day that he completed work on a vehicle that he was planning to sell. I had just gotten my learners permit and was thrilled when he asked me to move the car from one spot in the driveway to another. (My father had incredible belief and trust in his children, even if it meant more work for him!)  My error came when I paid attention to a friend who, to be fair, sincerely believed she was helping to  guide me as I backed the car up. The only problem was that she hadn't taken into consideration the fact that there was a big wooden lawn chair between the car and the garage!  Of course, neither had I.  I backed right into the chair and solidly squashed it against the side of the car that my father had carefully fixed, painted and polished and up against the garage wall.

As he came out to survey the damage  I fully expected my father to send me to my room without any outside ventures for quite some time. Instead, he turned to me, his 6 foot 5inch frame towering over me and his gentle voice falling softly on my ears and said, "Well, it's a lot less damage than I thought it would be. Did you happen to learn anything from this?" To which I quickly responded, "I learned to look myself before I move a car!"



Chuckling, he just shook his head and told me to move the car without hitting anything this time. Can I just say that the way in which my father handled this situation increased my confidence in myself a hundred fold! I not only moved the car without further incident, but I also learned that even though others may want to help guide you sometimes, the best way to accept their offer is graciously - allowing them to believe they are indeed helping you - but all along continuing to keep your eye on the surroundings every second just in case there is something you  need to avoid...that perhaps they don't see.

Allowing the cream to rise to the top

One of the problems that developed in my life because of the different way in which my parents parented me was that I was never really confident enough to accept a compliment.  Although my father was extremely generous with his praise and confidence building efforts, it was my mother who seemed to be very adept at tearing down the confidence that had been carefully built up by my father.   Just as positive praise can do wonders for the ego, so too does cutting criticism and more often it is the cutting criticisms that seem to have the sharper barbs able to leave the deepest impressions.

As I moved into adulthood, I brought with me more and more of the cutting criticisms and less of the confidence building praise.  As much as I loved and believed my father when he praised me for something, it was my mother's ability to bring me "down a" peg" that seemed to win out.  By the time I was 20 and my father had suddenly passed away, it became less and less possible for me to cling to the praise my father had lavished on me.

It wasn't until someone actually said to me, "Why are you not able to take a compliment and just say thank you?  Why do you always have to put yourself down first?"  that I understood what I had allowed to  happen.  I had never realized this is what I had been doing until they mentioned it to me and as I revisited the times compliments had been given to me and I had brushed them off with a put down of myself first,  and I realized, indeed, I was not very graceful at all in receiving compliments.  If anything, I was being very condescending and making the person who had provided me with a compliment, feel as though they had been wrong to do so.

Then one day I had someone who was several years older than myself tell me that it was okay to allow "the cream to rise to the top."  When I asked them exactly what they meant by this, they explained, "I know where you've come from and I understand the difficulty you have had in allowing others to see the excellence that comes from you in many things.  I also see  the problem you have in accepting praise graciously and without question that is rightly yours to receive.  When someone presents you with a compliment, simply say, "Thank you, I really appreciate that."  End of story, no need to first state, "but it wasn't very good" or "I really should have done better."  Another very wise person and friend also once told me,  "If someone didn't want to give you a compliment, they wouldn't.  Don't take that opportunity away from them, just accept it graciously."

Let the cream rise to the top!  Let the compliments that others give you, wash over you as they should, with no questions, no excuses and no exceptions.  Allow them to fill you with pride and joy and most importantly, let them be the catalyst that builds your confidence 100 fold.  People don't give compliments freely, believe it or not.  Compliments aren't wasted on those who don't deserve them.  They are draped around the shoulders of those who truly deserve the recognition and it is our honor to accept them with grace, pride and humble thanks because that is how the cream rises to the top.  That is the way each of us learns to expand who we are and improve upon our character, our efforts and most of all our own self-love!

The next time someone compliments you...let the cream rise to the top and simply say with all sincerity, "Thank you, I really appreciate your compliment.  It means a lot to me!"

...and thank you for reading because it truly does mean a lot to me! :)

Savanna